adjusting

Crazy first days at home with the new baby. I want someone to tell me that most (if not all) newborns can be totally insane screaming criers during the nights, and that it's not unusual to completely loose it and be crying on your new son's head because you don't have a fucking clue what's wrong (it probably doesn't help that that particular incident came after four hours of trying to get him to eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, soothe, etc, all during the middle of the night). I know he is new to this world, and that he has no idea what any of this is, what he is feeling, seeing, thinking, wanting, needing. He has no frame of reference from which to base his fears or hopes, or against which he can determine whether something is good or bad. But when the poor guy cries again and again in the middle of he night, at the top of his tiny little lungs, at what seems like a pitch that could outpunch a jet engine ...... maybe I'm just not tough enough, but man that's hard to handle. I'm welling up a little bit right now just thinking back to it last night.

Anyway, we're learning a lot about him, and he's learning a lot about ... well, every single thing around him. Somehow or another the three of us are all pulling towards some new average that lies between where he started last Friday and where we've been for our years on this earth.